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What if my husband is gay?

by ace
What if my husband is gay?

At age 20, C. had a bullfighter boyfriend. One of those manly men to the marrow, who move around in an arched leg and in a pack, drink liters of beer and stare at the girls with the eyebrow of those who can scorn half a dozen because they have another dozen waiting.

Families approved of the relationship, and society took marriage for granted. Until the day he was caught in the stables kissing his mouth with the keeper.

The scandal was as great as the boy's reputation for marialva was immense. He had to leave his hometown and emigrate to an uncertain part, leaving C., a liberal girl, despite her conservative upbringing, given to the graces of her former friends and the false pity of the envious men who once coveted her – "Poor thing …"

Today C. is 40 years old, married, and can laugh at the story. But you still have doubts about the past – did you have any part of the blame on the turn? How could you never have noticed? Had he had any pleasure with her?

All legitimate questions. The tendency of a heterosexual exchanged for a homosexual relationship is to think that something in their behavior triggered cataclysm. As if a frustrated relationship were enough to renounce a gender or, ultimately, a single homosexual relationship was enough to define the individual's entire sexuality.

Alfred Kinsey has tried to explain to the world that in this matter there are many possible variations. The zoologist's research on human sexual behavior between 1947 and 1948 with 17,000 white men allowed him to make a scale that blushed America. It was he who said that there are exclusive heterosexuals and homosexuals; heterosexuals and homosexuals who have had homosexual relations; and bisexual. Not content, he still advanced with percentages: he said that 37 percent of respondents had had at least one homosexual experience with orgasm between adolescence and adulthood; and 13 percent had erotic attraction to same-sex couples. Later, when addressing the female universe, the founder of the Sex Research Institute revealed that the incidence of homosexuality in women was lower.

How many times have you heard the question: Which is worse, to be exchanged for another woman or a man? C. says that, after all, the second hypothesis is less traumatic. "The case gets fixed. You can't compete, it's another championship. If it's a woman, you'll spend your life asking yourself, but what does she have that I don't have?"

Interestingly, for men it is more shocking to know that they have been exchanged for another. It seems that gender change offends your virility. G. has been married to R. for eight years and have a daughter of four. Two years ago she began to suspect some "suspicious behavior" – as she herself defines it – of her husband. She caught him talking to men on the Internet and realized that the weekly dinner he touts as being with colleagues at the company is, after all, another kind of socializing. "I followed him by taxi to the restaurant. It was a huge, men-only table, and I didn't know any. They all had the same haircut, half shaved, tight T-shirts … I found them weird. Nothing like that." his friends."

Lacking the courage to confront her husband, and ashamed to talk it over to her friends, G. spends her life in doubt. If you lived in the United States you could turn to Gay Husbands & Straight Wives, an association founded in 1985 to support gay and bisexual women. Founder Bonnie Kye knows what she's talking about – she found out that her husband was gay and almost collapsed. Today, it sells thousands of books on the subject and boasts that it has helped some 30,000 defrauded women. On the organization's website, the national estimate is not encouraging – it is estimated that there are four million gay or bisexual women or former women, most of them living in complete ignorance. More: 10,000 to 20,000 women recently contacted online support groups to talk about this problem, mostly between the ages of 20 and 30.

No one likes to be fooled, and Bonnie has put her pain into surrender – she sells little books where she teaches suspicious wives to take the nine test. The Gay Husband Checklist – For Women Who Wonder, for example, is a bestseller.

Literature on the subject is not lacking in America. My Husband is Gay, Carol Grever's Survival Kit for Straight Spouses, gathers its own testimony and reports from over 4300 people (including men and women) who contacted her about it. In it, the author speaks of her terrible discovery, her husband's ordeal, and the reasons why many of these couples stay together. She is part of the 85 percent who decided to split up. Married again. And now you have no doubt.

Watch out for signs

According to Family Pride Coalition, 20 percent of gay men in America have heterosexual marriages and 50 percent are parents. Amazing? It can happen to anyone. Here are some signs of concern:

  • Maintain some kind of nonverbal communication with other men – looks, too long touches or gestures of intimacy
  • Consume pornography (videos, photos, magazines or websites) with many scenes between men
  • In the search engine history, several queries to bisexual sites are logged
  • Having lost interest in sex and unable to maintain an erection
  • Have a sudden fixation on anal sex
  • Receive many calls from another man
  • Buy or receive intimate or expensive gifts from another man
  • Overreacting to any gay outbreak – homophobic behaviors
  • Hang out with several gay friends
  • Spend a lot more time with friends than you can
  • Respond to ads on gay sites
  • Have gay dating services phone numbers
  • Go to gay bars or restaurants and come up with bills from those places

Source: Ruth Houston, author of Is He Cheating on You: 829 Telltale Signs

Article originally published in issue no. 252 of Máxima

(tagsToTranslate) The Gay Husband Checklist (t) people (t) behavior (t) sexuality (t) homosexuality


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